JULIANI CARDENAS - 4 yo - Patterson/Stanislaus CA

Laughter filled the Cardenas home this week as 11-month old Jolyssa scrambled around the room, crawling through a colorful plastic play set and under the living room table.

The toddler arose with a look of determination, making her “Chihuahua face” — her bottom lip covering part of her top lip and some of her teeth — to the delight of her mom, Tabitha, and grandmother, Amparo.

Jolyssa’s constant grin is a reminder of another child who once occupied that house — 4-year-old Juliani Cardenas — the half-brother she never knew, who was kidnapped and killed a year ago today, Jan. 18, by Jose Esteban Rodriguez, who was Tabitha’s ex-boyfriend and Jolyssa’s father.

Juliani’s presence continues to fill the home a year later, not only in the myriad pictures scattered across the living room, in the smudge of his handprint on one of the mirrors and on the tribute license plate of the new Toyota Camry in the Cardenas family garage, but in visions and memories shared by his mother, Tabitha, and grandmother, Amparo.

“In every single child, I see Juliani,” Amparo Cardenas said from her home this week, adding that she is constantly haunted by thoughts of him whether at the Vintage Faire Mall in Modesto, at home or about town.

Amparo’s last memory of her grandson was seeing him whisked away by Rodriguez after he ripped him from her arms and drove away with him in his silver Toyota Corolla. Minutes later, a farm worker reported seeing a vehicle that matched the Corolla’s description roll into the Delta-Mendota Canal near Zacharias Road, where both Rodriguez and Juliani met their demise.

Neither Tabitha nor Amparo Cardenas have been able to bring themselves to visit that part of the canal to this day, though they both say they have had visions in which they saw the car plunge into the waterway.

“When people go to war and have flashbacks, it’s kind of the same thing,” Tabitha said.

The canal became the scene of a two-week search that gripped not only the people of Patterson but well-wishers from across the world, many of whom expressed their condolences and support through letters, Facebook posts and care packages.

The Cardenas family and others kept hope that Juliani was alive as they participated in prayer vigils and search efforts in Patterson and nearby communities. Meanwhile, investigators kept busy extracting various cars from the Delta-Mendota before finding Rodriguez’s Corolla four days before Juliani’s body surfaced near Santa Nella.

The City of Patterson and the 300 block of Barros Street where the Cardenases live became the site of a media circus throughout the ordeal. In addition to newspaper and television reporters, the Cardenases regularly hosted friends, family, church members, city leaders and local clergy at their home, often providing them with food that had been donated by community members.

“People would see me always smile, but I was sad,” Amparo recalled. “I was like the walking dead.”

She said the media attention gave her an appreciation for what celebrities must endure every day.

“I feel sorry for movie stars — I finally got a taste,” she said.

At the same time, she and Tabitha said they appreciated the warmth of well-wishers both here and abroad.

“I still haven’t had to buy a diaper for (Jolyssa),” said Tabitha, who was eight and a half months pregnant with her daughter at the time of Juliani’s murder.

Other reminders of people’s support also fill the house.

A giant poster vinyl poster designed by Modesto-based embroidery and screenprint business Image Imprint portrays Juliani’s face floating in the clouds above a halo and building blocks, while the words “Little Angel” written in cursive adorn his brow. The same image appeared on T-shirts that the company designed and sold at Cardenas’ memorial service last year as a fundraiser for the family.

Amparo proudly displayed a small booklet filled with messages of support for the family and prayers from prison inmates at Sierra Conservation Center in Jamestown. The folder contains a cartoon-like angel on the front who is holding a book containing the words “Book of Life, Juliani.”

Amparo said the gift has made her think differently about prison inmates, and has also helped her forgive her son’s killer.

“I have no choice,” she said. “If I want to be next to my grandson in heaven, I have to do that.”

Amparo will be a grandmother to yet another child this summer, as Tabitha is due to have a baby with her current boyfriend on July 7. She plans to find out the gender of the baby on Saturday, Jan. 20, a day before the Cardenas family gathers with friends, family and neighbors in front of their Barros Street residence. They plan to mark the occasion with a candle lighting ceremony and a balloon release in Juliani’s honor.

Looking ahead, Tabitha said she looks forward to a new job she recently landed with Gallo Winery, even as she continues to seek her dream of obtaining her certified nursing assistant license. She also gained an Associate of Arts degree in behavioral and social science this year. She briefly considered going into social work after her son’s death but said the required internships seemed overwhelming.

In other ways, life has remained much the same as it was a year ago. While Tabitha moved into an apartment of her own for several months, she is back living with her mother these days. Amparo continues to work as a waitress at Damasco Fine Food and Spirits, where she said occasionally local police and members of the local Lions Club stop by to say hello.

Meanwhile, the attention of the mass media has turned elsewhere, and Tabitha and Amparo live a much quieter existence than they did a year ago. However, the wound left by their missing “Pookini” remains fresh, and Amparo says his loss will live on in their hearts for the rest of their lives.

“It’s never going to go away.”


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